The Big Bad Wolf at Four A.M.

Little red riding hood, slurring her words, informed the big bad wolf in no uncertain terms that she was late for her ballet class and needed to hurry.

“Oh honey,” said the big bad wolf, “It’s 4 a.m. in downtown Detroit. You’re not going anywhere but home.”

“Who are you, my grandma?” asked little red riding hood.

“Yes,” said the big bad wolf, “and close out your tab. They’re asking us to go.”

“You’ve got awfully big hands for my grandma,” said little red riding hood.

“All the better to hold back your hair while you puke,” said the big bad wolf.

“You’ve got awfully big eyes for my grandma,” said little red riding hood.

“All the better to see where you left your purse,” said the big bad wolf.

“You’ve got awfully big teeth for my grandma,” said little red riding hood.

“All the better to tell you to shut the hell up,” said the big bad wolf, and she grabbed little red riding hood and put her right into an Uber that swallowed her up whole.

Written on 12/2/16 at Nox Craft Cocktails for a woman who felt the night was going to be a wild one.