Jeff’s Reviews

“Jeff! Jeffery!” the man called out from the curb. Jeff had no time to chat with anyone and he was in a foul mood, but the man was hailing him with happy eyes and Jeff’s own deeply embedded courtesy wouldn’t let him just turn away. He regarded the man intently as the man walked into his view (he’d forgotten his glasses, yet another reason why he was so upset today).

“Hello,” he said, hoping the man would volunteer his name. Jeff felt reasonably sure that he’d never met the man before in his life. Maybe they’d been classmates in college? One of his son’s teachers?

“How are the kids?” the man asked.

“Oh fine, fine,” said Jeff. “How have you been?”

“Honestly I’m doing a lot better now that I’ve run into you,” the man said.

“Is that so?” asked Jeff, suddenly wary.

“Yes,” Jeff answered, taking a half step backwards from the man who was leaning in.

“Is that so?” asked the man. “Because within the past two months you’ve reviewed AmazonPremium products negatively eight times. An unusually harsh string of reviews for someone who generally is happy with his purchases. Our accounts department also noticed recently some marriage counseling services billed to your account and the psych department is suggesting that your negative reviews are due to internalized negativity about your marriage. Does that sound right?”

Jeff backed away, but the man continued. “Why don’t you amend your reviews,” he said. “We’ll throw in some depression counseling through the psych store free of charge.”

Jeff ran. Overhead, drones watched him run.


Written on 11/30/15 for a cool geek.

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