Nobody would have expected – not even after years of ever-increasingly weird presidential election seasons – that one of the major parties would elect a man with absolutely no experience in government at any level, and that the other major part would choose to nominate his literal negative.
The debates between the nominees were, most people agreed, pretty bizarre, with one candidate – Greg – making a statement about his vision for the country, say, “If elected, I will triple funding of biomedical research by raising a tax on all music that is neither classical, choral, or written for the piano,” and his opponent – Nega-Greg – saying exactly the same words, but adding, at the end, a sarcastic “NOT”. There was a big controversy when it was discovered that Nega-Greg used a teleprompter, the scandal not being the teleprompter itself but the fact that it was made out of pure antimatter, and the first time it was used the resulting explosion killed 60 people at a rally.
On the cold day in November when the vote finally happened, the race was called early, but both sides claimed victor. Greg had earned 54% of the popular vote and 280 votes in the electoral college, easily enough to call himself president, but Nega-Greg had earned 36% of the popular vote and 258 votes in the electoral college, easily enough to call himself not-president.
In the end, the contest had to be decided by mortal combat, and it was only after Greg had driven a stake through the heart of his shadowy reflection that the nation came together to seek unity and healing and move forward as one United States.
Written on 10/27/16 at Nox for an old friend.